I was advised by a personal coach the other day that you can 'find your own champion inside yourself' - in other words, don't wait around for others to fix things for you or to come riding in on a white charger. The ability to change your life and your outcomes lies, mostly, within your own control.
External factors notwithstanding, there is a lot we can do to promote our own champions - one example given to me by a business coach was to 'find an alter ego' - build a self image based on someone or people you admire. Take their positive qualities and embed them in your alter ego.
Then, when you need that courage, ability or confidence, think of that person you have given all those wonderful qualities to (including being YOUR champion) and become them for the time you need them.
Eventually you will find that the qualities of this alter ego rub off, and you can be who you admire. Learn to love yourself, admire yourself, and accept the help that your inner champion can give you.
Friday, 15 January 2010
Thursday, 22 October 2009
A career development option - non executive directorships
Becoming a NED
Acronyms, don’t they drive you wild? NED is, simply, a non-executive director. Perhaps I’d better introduce properly what an NED is and what it means. According to Wikipedia:
“A non-executive director (NED, also NXD) or outside director is a member of the board of directors of a company who does not form part of the executive management team. He or she is not an employee of the company or affiliated with it in any other way. They are differentiated from inside directors, who are members of the board also serving as executive managers of the company (most often as corporate officers).”
There are NEDs in both private and public sector organisations. An NED has influence, and may handle even be directly responsible for budgets. In the case of the health sector, for example, NEDs may be involved in the commissioning of services worth millions –the results of the NEDs recommendations and actions have a direct effect on a community or organisation.
Tell me more...
I found out about NEDs at a seminar the other day, chaired by Angela Peacock. It was held in the city with a group of women from the finance world and an amazing panel of experts (an impressive line up from Cranfield University, The Appointments Commission and a well known lawyer in the private sector). The majority of this audience was female and the seminar aimed at looking at financial careers and career development, but the advice applies across the board whatever you do, whatever your industry and even if you are not working. The more I heard, the more I wanted to know.
There were some frightening statistics about how few women there are on boards at all in the UK (around just 12% - but even that is an improvement over just 7% ten years ago) and how we compare to other countries (42% in Norway, less than 1% in Portugal).
The benefits of taking a non-executive position crept out as the discussion continued, with each panellist (all earnest champions of NEDs) giving their point of view and suggestions. The more diverse the components of a board, in the panel’s opinion, the more effective it was. Everyone has something to bring, and they were open and honest about the challenges that being an NED presents.
Firstly there is the commitment – though a position may only require 2 days a month for example, the NED must be committed to understanding the business or organisation they are working with and give it their full attention in that time. Many of the panellists had more than one NED, and full time careers. Understanding the level of commitment required is very important.
There are many ways to get into NEDs, and though the panel had used headhunters, on the whole they said that people came to their attention in very many ways. Whitehall, for example, is regularly looking for NEDs and publishes a list weekly in the Sunday Times. Local authorities and PCTs will advertise locally and nationally.
‘Don’t wait to be asked’ – the old school ties days of waiting to be tapped on the shoulder by a cronie are gone. The public sector, especially, has to be completely transparent about their recruitment process for all executives, including NEDs. It’s not quite so much ‘who you know’ any more, but what you can do is build your network to find out about opportunities that may interest you.
The benefits of becoming an NED are huge – not only the experience that you can gain from joining an organisation with a different perspective to your employer or usual day-time occupation, but you can also fulfil social responsibility ambitions and add something to your CV that will give you a great advantage over others. Even if it’s not a short cut to board positions, the simple development opportunities you will gain from the experience are immense.
There are plenty of resources on the internet about how to become an NED, some are companies offering search and select services, or to sell you ‘inside track’ information, or even offer training on becoming and NED. Lateral thinking will find you what you are looking for – whether it’s to pursue a personal interest in aviation (and be an NED of an airline) or to help your local community (support the local authority) or to follow something that is very close to your heart (a charity, for example), then go out and look for an appropriate NED.
The panel were reticent about there being many career advantages to being an NED for small local charities, but their advice remained consistent that taking on any NED is a great self-development opportunity.
The panel gave some advice on how to get appointed – the first of which is confidence. It doesn’t matter that you are an accountant applying for an NED. The second bit of advice was not to give up – if you don’t get appointment, go back and ask for feedback so that you can hone your talents for the next one you apply for.
The ages of NEDs range from late 20s to 80s! The right age is when you choose, not a pre-determined threshold. By becoming an NED you will gain cross-sector experience and widen your skill base. In fact, becoming an NED could be the best thing you do.
Resources:
Appointments Commission: http://www.appointments.org.uk/
How to become a non-executive director (Times article): http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/management/article6513325.ece
Acronyms, don’t they drive you wild? NED is, simply, a non-executive director. Perhaps I’d better introduce properly what an NED is and what it means. According to Wikipedia:
“A non-executive director (NED, also NXD) or outside director is a member of the board of directors of a company who does not form part of the executive management team. He or she is not an employee of the company or affiliated with it in any other way. They are differentiated from inside directors, who are members of the board also serving as executive managers of the company (most often as corporate officers).”
There are NEDs in both private and public sector organisations. An NED has influence, and may handle even be directly responsible for budgets. In the case of the health sector, for example, NEDs may be involved in the commissioning of services worth millions –the results of the NEDs recommendations and actions have a direct effect on a community or organisation.
Tell me more...
I found out about NEDs at a seminar the other day, chaired by Angela Peacock. It was held in the city with a group of women from the finance world and an amazing panel of experts (an impressive line up from Cranfield University, The Appointments Commission and a well known lawyer in the private sector). The majority of this audience was female and the seminar aimed at looking at financial careers and career development, but the advice applies across the board whatever you do, whatever your industry and even if you are not working. The more I heard, the more I wanted to know.
There were some frightening statistics about how few women there are on boards at all in the UK (around just 12% - but even that is an improvement over just 7% ten years ago) and how we compare to other countries (42% in Norway, less than 1% in Portugal).
The benefits of taking a non-executive position crept out as the discussion continued, with each panellist (all earnest champions of NEDs) giving their point of view and suggestions. The more diverse the components of a board, in the panel’s opinion, the more effective it was. Everyone has something to bring, and they were open and honest about the challenges that being an NED presents.
Firstly there is the commitment – though a position may only require 2 days a month for example, the NED must be committed to understanding the business or organisation they are working with and give it their full attention in that time. Many of the panellists had more than one NED, and full time careers. Understanding the level of commitment required is very important.
There are many ways to get into NEDs, and though the panel had used headhunters, on the whole they said that people came to their attention in very many ways. Whitehall, for example, is regularly looking for NEDs and publishes a list weekly in the Sunday Times. Local authorities and PCTs will advertise locally and nationally.
‘Don’t wait to be asked’ – the old school ties days of waiting to be tapped on the shoulder by a cronie are gone. The public sector, especially, has to be completely transparent about their recruitment process for all executives, including NEDs. It’s not quite so much ‘who you know’ any more, but what you can do is build your network to find out about opportunities that may interest you.
The benefits of becoming an NED are huge – not only the experience that you can gain from joining an organisation with a different perspective to your employer or usual day-time occupation, but you can also fulfil social responsibility ambitions and add something to your CV that will give you a great advantage over others. Even if it’s not a short cut to board positions, the simple development opportunities you will gain from the experience are immense.
There are plenty of resources on the internet about how to become an NED, some are companies offering search and select services, or to sell you ‘inside track’ information, or even offer training on becoming and NED. Lateral thinking will find you what you are looking for – whether it’s to pursue a personal interest in aviation (and be an NED of an airline) or to help your local community (support the local authority) or to follow something that is very close to your heart (a charity, for example), then go out and look for an appropriate NED.
The panel were reticent about there being many career advantages to being an NED for small local charities, but their advice remained consistent that taking on any NED is a great self-development opportunity.
The panel gave some advice on how to get appointed – the first of which is confidence. It doesn’t matter that you are an accountant applying for an NED. The second bit of advice was not to give up – if you don’t get appointment, go back and ask for feedback so that you can hone your talents for the next one you apply for.
The ages of NEDs range from late 20s to 80s! The right age is when you choose, not a pre-determined threshold. By becoming an NED you will gain cross-sector experience and widen your skill base. In fact, becoming an NED could be the best thing you do.
Resources:
Appointments Commission: http://www.appointments.org.uk/
How to become a non-executive director (Times article): http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/management/article6513325.ece
Non-executive directors (Guardian article): http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2003/jan/05/wageslaves.careers
Angela Peacock, conference and event chair: http://www.angela-peacock.com/
For a much more detailed, in depth review of the actual event I attended where I learned about this, please read 'Skirting the Boards'
(C) Carolyn Sheppard 2009
This article may be reproduced with permission from the author as long as all links and references are kept intact.
Here's an example of something else you may consdier, being a Trustee for a cause you support:
http://www.durrell.org/About-Durrell/Durrell-News/THE-SEARCH-IS-ON-DURRELL-NEEDS-YOU/
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Abuse
Abuse is a sensitive subject, but in a recent article in the Times, they featured one of the least talked about areas of abuse: the abuse of children by women.
They called the article, and the accompanying radio programme on BBC Radio 4, 'Breaking the Silence'.
The reason I listened to the programme is that one of the interviewees is a friend of mine. I learned more about her in that short interview than I ever knew before. I knew she had suffered abuse, but no more than that. And she is not the only person I know who was abused as a child by a female. So, in my limited experience, I know two people who have survived this.
One of the things the article covered was the fact that this is such a little known area of abuse. Though indeed statistics show that only 20% of reported abuse is by women, what does that mean in real terms of actual abuse? And how much more unreported? I can't begin to imagine.
So why am I putting this in the Self Development blog? Because we all have different issues to overcome and, sadly, abuse (of many types) is a huge one in many peoples lives.
Esther Ranzten (founder of the Charity ChildLine, now part of the NSPCC) said something on the lines of 'if we are supposed to learn about love, trust, respect and affection from our parents, and we learn instead shame, unhappiness and self-loathing, it's no wonder that these create life-long problems'.
But the term used for those people who suffered abuse is 'survivors', not victims. That is key in moving on from any kind of abuse, I believe. The good thing is that there is help for people, whether through the NHS, independent therapists or charities such as The Aurora Health Foundation.
The point of this post is not to offer any opinion or great solution, just to raise awareness and let people know that if they are a survivor, they are not alone, and there is help out there.
They called the article, and the accompanying radio programme on BBC Radio 4, 'Breaking the Silence'.
The reason I listened to the programme is that one of the interviewees is a friend of mine. I learned more about her in that short interview than I ever knew before. I knew she had suffered abuse, but no more than that. And she is not the only person I know who was abused as a child by a female. So, in my limited experience, I know two people who have survived this.
One of the things the article covered was the fact that this is such a little known area of abuse. Though indeed statistics show that only 20% of reported abuse is by women, what does that mean in real terms of actual abuse? And how much more unreported? I can't begin to imagine.
So why am I putting this in the Self Development blog? Because we all have different issues to overcome and, sadly, abuse (of many types) is a huge one in many peoples lives.
Esther Ranzten (founder of the Charity ChildLine, now part of the NSPCC) said something on the lines of 'if we are supposed to learn about love, trust, respect and affection from our parents, and we learn instead shame, unhappiness and self-loathing, it's no wonder that these create life-long problems'.
But the term used for those people who suffered abuse is 'survivors', not victims. That is key in moving on from any kind of abuse, I believe. The good thing is that there is help for people, whether through the NHS, independent therapists or charities such as The Aurora Health Foundation.
The point of this post is not to offer any opinion or great solution, just to raise awareness and let people know that if they are a survivor, they are not alone, and there is help out there.
Thursday, 9 July 2009
It’s all about passion
I spent a half hour on the phone today to a new potential partner – they sell a great on line business simulation game for schools. The Director of the company had looked at our website, seen some potential synergy and we exchanged emails and arranged the conversation.
He told me about his product, and he was enthusiastic and knowledgeable. It sounds really good – an interesting and useful business game that would be great for our teachers, education contacts and even for training companies who work with young employees.
He transmitted his passion and I understood the product offering and target market quickly. Sounds like the sort of person I like doing business with. In return I told him about our site, about our markets and about how we contact prospects and send out newsletters and write articles etc.
At the end of the conversation he confessed that he was ‘more excited’ about our potential partnership than originally envisaged. There are opportunities to be far more than just ‘one more product on someone else’s site’ and he obviously picked up my passion for the business. We are now meeting face to face next week in London at the IoD to explore more widely the potential for doing business together.
It really is about passion. Anyone can set up a website and ‘sell stuff’* but a sustainable business, even when it is ecommerce based – is still about people.
And I firmly believe that people with passion do better business.
* half the affiliate programme promotions on the web seem to be based around this and making yourself an ‘internet millionaire overnight’. But are they people businesses, or just playing a numbers game? The most successful of these businesses are those that engage with their audience and sell ‘to’ them instead of ‘at’ them. But that’s a whole other article....
He told me about his product, and he was enthusiastic and knowledgeable. It sounds really good – an interesting and useful business game that would be great for our teachers, education contacts and even for training companies who work with young employees.
He transmitted his passion and I understood the product offering and target market quickly. Sounds like the sort of person I like doing business with. In return I told him about our site, about our markets and about how we contact prospects and send out newsletters and write articles etc.
At the end of the conversation he confessed that he was ‘more excited’ about our potential partnership than originally envisaged. There are opportunities to be far more than just ‘one more product on someone else’s site’ and he obviously picked up my passion for the business. We are now meeting face to face next week in London at the IoD to explore more widely the potential for doing business together.
It really is about passion. Anyone can set up a website and ‘sell stuff’* but a sustainable business, even when it is ecommerce based – is still about people.
And I firmly believe that people with passion do better business.
* half the affiliate programme promotions on the web seem to be based around this and making yourself an ‘internet millionaire overnight’. But are they people businesses, or just playing a numbers game? The most successful of these businesses are those that engage with their audience and sell ‘to’ them instead of ‘at’ them. But that’s a whole other article....
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Leadership?
I often wonder about myself as a leader - you see it's hard to analyse your leadership style when you work mostly on your own.
Several years back I took a leadership survey that showed I was a 'coercive' leader. I know precisely why! The band I was in needed coercion to rehearse, to gig, to do anything basically! And though the band was supposedly a collective, I had to take the lead or nothing would have happened.
Interesting, because when I applied my work profile, I came out very differently indeed. I was an affiliative leader - and that makes sense to me. I want people to follow me because they trust me and have faith and confidence in my decision making. I want to lead through example and through good practice.
I've never been that good at being authoritative except when I am very confident about my subject - so as a leader that's probably something I should look at. I may not know the answer, but I am sure I know someone who does, so I should use that resource.
There's lots of writing on leadership, lots of academic study, but the best thing I read on leadership the other day was 'learn from good leaders you know, don't try and copy them'. You have to be authentic, to be the kind of leader you are.
So though I know it would be good to be a stronger leader, like my previous boss, I also know that I cannot copy their methods and be a successful leader. I have to be the leader I am, and be true to myself. Authenticity, surely, deserves the respect of those who would follow you.
I took an Emotional Intelligence test yesterday. It said I had a score of 75 (average is 50, best is 100). I answered some questions the way I genuinely react in a situation, realistically - even though I knew they weren't the best answers on offer. I was, in fact, authentic.
Several years back I took a leadership survey that showed I was a 'coercive' leader. I know precisely why! The band I was in needed coercion to rehearse, to gig, to do anything basically! And though the band was supposedly a collective, I had to take the lead or nothing would have happened.
Interesting, because when I applied my work profile, I came out very differently indeed. I was an affiliative leader - and that makes sense to me. I want people to follow me because they trust me and have faith and confidence in my decision making. I want to lead through example and through good practice.
I've never been that good at being authoritative except when I am very confident about my subject - so as a leader that's probably something I should look at. I may not know the answer, but I am sure I know someone who does, so I should use that resource.
There's lots of writing on leadership, lots of academic study, but the best thing I read on leadership the other day was 'learn from good leaders you know, don't try and copy them'. You have to be authentic, to be the kind of leader you are.
So though I know it would be good to be a stronger leader, like my previous boss, I also know that I cannot copy their methods and be a successful leader. I have to be the leader I am, and be true to myself. Authenticity, surely, deserves the respect of those who would follow you.
I took an Emotional Intelligence test yesterday. It said I had a score of 75 (average is 50, best is 100). I answered some questions the way I genuinely react in a situation, realistically - even though I knew they weren't the best answers on offer. I was, in fact, authentic.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Job hunt? The changing market
A couple of years back I signed up to the Marketing Week job emails - and I still get them. I am not looking for a job, but I haven't unsubscribed from these notifications. And I've noticed something.
In the past there were jobs for 'Marketing Manager' or 'Marketing Director' and details of the job, the company, the product or service, yada yada... now the jobs advertised are far more specific:
'Channel marketing manager with experience in communications software'
'Research marketing manager in pharmaceuticals'
In other words the day of the general job description have gone. It is an employers' market so they can be very specific about the skill set of the people they want. And this is true of all industries and roles, not just marketing. Individuals who are job hunting have to really tailor their CVs and applications to match as closely as possible the requirements for any job they apply for.
For example, I looked quickly on a regional job site and saw an ad for an administrative assistant for a Government scientific department. Applying for that job with outstanding administrative skills will, of course, be the first stage - but what the employer is going to look for is perhaps an administrator with an interst in their area of science, maybe even with specific experience. So the job application should not just extol their talents and virtues as an administrator, but their personal interest in the subject and anything else they can use to make their application more relevant to the role.
Is that expecting too much for an administration job? Not at all. In the town where I live the Somerfield store has been closed with a Morrisons opening in six weeks' time. There were 45 jobs advertised. They had over 400 applicants for those 45 jobs. How would you choose who to appoint?
There are many resources on line for helping individuals to help jobseekers but it can be a bit of a minefield. Watch out for sites that will charge you to improve your CV, many of the services offered on line can in fact be found for free at your local JobCentre in the UK, or from other Government agencies. That doesn't mean you shouldn't employ the services of professionals, but be sure to research all the options before handing over any cash!
In the past there were jobs for 'Marketing Manager' or 'Marketing Director' and details of the job, the company, the product or service, yada yada... now the jobs advertised are far more specific:
'Channel marketing manager with experience in communications software'
'Research marketing manager in pharmaceuticals'
In other words the day of the general job description have gone. It is an employers' market so they can be very specific about the skill set of the people they want. And this is true of all industries and roles, not just marketing. Individuals who are job hunting have to really tailor their CVs and applications to match as closely as possible the requirements for any job they apply for.
For example, I looked quickly on a regional job site and saw an ad for an administrative assistant for a Government scientific department. Applying for that job with outstanding administrative skills will, of course, be the first stage - but what the employer is going to look for is perhaps an administrator with an interst in their area of science, maybe even with specific experience. So the job application should not just extol their talents and virtues as an administrator, but their personal interest in the subject and anything else they can use to make their application more relevant to the role.
Is that expecting too much for an administration job? Not at all. In the town where I live the Somerfield store has been closed with a Morrisons opening in six weeks' time. There were 45 jobs advertised. They had over 400 applicants for those 45 jobs. How would you choose who to appoint?
There are many resources on line for helping individuals to help jobseekers but it can be a bit of a minefield. Watch out for sites that will charge you to improve your CV, many of the services offered on line can in fact be found for free at your local JobCentre in the UK, or from other Government agencies. That doesn't mean you shouldn't employ the services of professionals, but be sure to research all the options before handing over any cash!
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Emotional Intelligence
About two years ago I went on a skills update day about Emotional Intelligence. It was very good, and I learned about how it is applied 'scientifically' and how useful it is in recruitment. EI needed to have some sound basis for practical application for me to 'buy in'. Certainly the statistics showing that the US military had a greater success rate when they applied EI to the recruitment process was a pretty good example.
We have a couple of EI books on our site and a free questionnaire to help you get started on the 'road to emotional intelligence'. I always thought I was pretty well self-aware about emotional intelligence, but even filling in this quick questionnaire gave me pause for thought when I reflected on my answers.
The author of the questionnaire and one of our books is Maureen Bowes, and she's done some neat videos - snippets of which you can see on her site. They are long enough to give you something to 'take away', so worth a visit if you get the chance:
www.peopleintelligence.com/coaching.html
We have a couple of EI books on our site and a free questionnaire to help you get started on the 'road to emotional intelligence'. I always thought I was pretty well self-aware about emotional intelligence, but even filling in this quick questionnaire gave me pause for thought when I reflected on my answers.
The author of the questionnaire and one of our books is Maureen Bowes, and she's done some neat videos - snippets of which you can see on her site. They are long enough to give you something to 'take away', so worth a visit if you get the chance:
www.peopleintelligence.com/coaching.html
Monday, 1 June 2009
Where there's smoke...
In my post about smoking back in February, I mentioned a friend in Ireland who was giving up.
Well, it's now June and she's still not smoking! I'm really proud of her because she has had a very difficult few months.
Did you notice the title of this post? Crafty of me - it's the name of a novel she has written and is currently with Penguin for consideration (they asked for the whole manuscript after seeing a few chapters).
So let's hope that where there's interest, they end up publishing. It would be a nice (to say the least!) bonus for her and a superb reward for her giving up smoking.
Incidentally she wrote a short story a couple of years back called 'Wicked Weed' and it won a competition in Belfast. Got published and read on the radio. It was about someone who gave up smoking!
Well, it's now June and she's still not smoking! I'm really proud of her because she has had a very difficult few months.
Did you notice the title of this post? Crafty of me - it's the name of a novel she has written and is currently with Penguin for consideration (they asked for the whole manuscript after seeing a few chapters).
So let's hope that where there's interest, they end up publishing. It would be a nice (to say the least!) bonus for her and a superb reward for her giving up smoking.
Incidentally she wrote a short story a couple of years back called 'Wicked Weed' and it won a competition in Belfast. Got published and read on the radio. It was about someone who gave up smoking!
Stress!
I've recently had a few experiences that you could say caused a little stress! But the thing is - I think I've learned a lot. Not about the experiences per se (there's lots of learning going on there constantly, as anyone with teenage kids will agree I'm sure), but more about how I manage my stress.
The other night I was feeling pretty tense and my husband asked me 'Are you OK?'. 'I'm a little stressed', I replied. His immediate reaction (because he always wants to help) was
'Why are you stressed? What's wrong?' and it was a sort of 'leap down your throat' response which, funnily enough, actually caused me more stress!
I was just a bit stressed, OK? Life, the universe... everything! So by sharing my stress and with someone wanting to help, I in fact ended up more stressed. Was that his fault? My fault? Well, thing is with stress there is no fault or blame - it's the circumstance.
I deal with my stress by keeping it lidded - bottled up! Now some say that's dangerous, that one day I will explode and make an awful mess, and perhaps that is true. But I find that as situations slowly resolve (or are unchangeable and so have to be accepted), my stress dissipates.
The stress leaks away - well, the stress over that particular issue anyway. I have learned to try and accept what cannot be changed and, and I think this one is missed out in lots of 'advice' pages, accept that some things (people) don't want to be change. So it's not accepting that it can't change, but that it won't.
What's my point? I think it's just a little 'blow out' on stress. I keep it quiet, lidded, because that's how I deal with it. When I 'share', the benefit is not always there for me. Sometimes sharing (for me) makes things worse. But I wouldn't recommend everyone keeping it bottled up, no. See - I'm sort of vinegar and water, when other people may be water and oil or even vinegar and bicarbonate of soda. Shake it up, oil and water still won't mix. And if you bottle-stop vinegar and bicarb.... watch out!
Deal with your stress the way you feel most comfortable. Whether its the recommended resolution or not, whether you can share with one person or not with another - deal with it how best suits you.
The other night I was feeling pretty tense and my husband asked me 'Are you OK?'. 'I'm a little stressed', I replied. His immediate reaction (because he always wants to help) was
'Why are you stressed? What's wrong?' and it was a sort of 'leap down your throat' response which, funnily enough, actually caused me more stress!
I was just a bit stressed, OK? Life, the universe... everything! So by sharing my stress and with someone wanting to help, I in fact ended up more stressed. Was that his fault? My fault? Well, thing is with stress there is no fault or blame - it's the circumstance.
I deal with my stress by keeping it lidded - bottled up! Now some say that's dangerous, that one day I will explode and make an awful mess, and perhaps that is true. But I find that as situations slowly resolve (or are unchangeable and so have to be accepted), my stress dissipates.
The stress leaks away - well, the stress over that particular issue anyway. I have learned to try and accept what cannot be changed and, and I think this one is missed out in lots of 'advice' pages, accept that some things (people) don't want to be change. So it's not accepting that it can't change, but that it won't.
What's my point? I think it's just a little 'blow out' on stress. I keep it quiet, lidded, because that's how I deal with it. When I 'share', the benefit is not always there for me. Sometimes sharing (for me) makes things worse. But I wouldn't recommend everyone keeping it bottled up, no. See - I'm sort of vinegar and water, when other people may be water and oil or even vinegar and bicarbonate of soda. Shake it up, oil and water still won't mix. And if you bottle-stop vinegar and bicarb.... watch out!
Deal with your stress the way you feel most comfortable. Whether its the recommended resolution or not, whether you can share with one person or not with another - deal with it how best suits you.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Buteyko Breathing
I don't usually post information about seminars or events, but I met Jen a while back and I was intrigued by this. So, if you (like me) want to find out more about how this can help you with asthma and other things - here's the details:
Tomorrow evening (Wednesday 6th May 2009), 8pm London time, I'm running a FREE teleseminar - introduction to Buteyko Breathing. It's short (half an hour) and run in a radio show format with 2 co-hosts to keep me on track! It's a first for me, and I'm really excited about the possibilities for this sort of event. If you've any interest in better breathing for yourself, family, clients etc, it would be great if you could phone in. The event will be recorded and available later if you can't make it, but I'd really like an audience to make it feel real, and ask questions at the end (if you want.)
I'll explain how improving breathing habits has a direct and measurable effect on health issues such as asthma, panic and low energy levels.
If all goes to plan it will include:
a quick breathing check-up for the listeners to do
an explanation of how the technique helps your body reduce symptoms and gain energy
results of recent clinical trials
who it can help
a chance to ask questions at the end.
Here's the all-important link - registration details not required.
http://soundalternatives.ning.com/events/buteyko-breathing-an
Jen Tiller MBIH
REALITY QUESTstrategies for well-being
http://www.jentiller.com/
Tomorrow evening (Wednesday 6th May 2009), 8pm London time, I'm running a FREE teleseminar - introduction to Buteyko Breathing. It's short (half an hour) and run in a radio show format with 2 co-hosts to keep me on track! It's a first for me, and I'm really excited about the possibilities for this sort of event. If you've any interest in better breathing for yourself, family, clients etc, it would be great if you could phone in. The event will be recorded and available later if you can't make it, but I'd really like an audience to make it feel real, and ask questions at the end (if you want.)
I'll explain how improving breathing habits has a direct and measurable effect on health issues such as asthma, panic and low energy levels.
If all goes to plan it will include:
a quick breathing check-up for the listeners to do
an explanation of how the technique helps your body reduce symptoms and gain energy
results of recent clinical trials
who it can help
a chance to ask questions at the end.
Here's the all-important link - registration details not required.
http://soundalternatives.ning.com/events/buteyko-breathing-an
Jen Tiller MBIH
REALITY QUESTstrategies for well-being
http://www.jentiller.com/
Taking control - losing control
What can we do to take control of our lives? Well, there are thousands of sites and blogs out there promising the answer in '7 days' or 'ten easy steps' - but the truth is, I think, that you have really got to want to change.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Podcasting!
I'm going to see if I can add value to my business site with Podcasting. I speak to fascinating people most days - leaders, trainers, psychologists, all sorts! Wouldn't it be great if I could record some of those conversations and have them as podcasts on my site?
I'm going to find out more, and I'll report back (of course).
I'm going to find out more, and I'll report back (of course).
Friday, 3 April 2009
Phobia!
I have a phobia of needles. Silly really as I have been stuck with them so many times you'd have though I'd be used to them by now.
I was a very sickly child (asthma) and was regularly injected, and as a young adult too, and as a grown up (almost) now I still have to have various things like flu jabs etc. And I still get dizzy when I see needles!
Thing is, I have detatched myself emotionally - I don't 'feel' scared of needles or phobic, but my subconcious still reacts and - at my daughter's hospital bedside a few weeks back - I ended up on the floor!
So, is it a phobia or a learned behaviour? Needles hurt - sure! But the reason for the needles is always good. Which is why mentally I feel fine - the sight of blood no problem, talk of operations, no problem - I've even watched an operation -no problem! So why do I keel over at the sight of a needle?
And what about other phobias? I challenge anyone to say they have no phobias whatsoever, but there must be some people out there who are completely fearless.
I look at what I am phobic about and try to analyse it:
no. 1: needles. Well, as said previously, they hurt, so there is logic and experience to give me this phobia
no. 2: crowds. I don't like crowds because I feel vulnerable (and got very scared a long time ago at a concert). But I'm fine on the London Underground which is a 'controlled' crowd. And I am mentally preparing myself not to get panicky in crowds. I feel I would be fine - though if the situation can be avoided, I'd probably still avoid.
no. 3: er... anything else I am phobic about?
Spiders... nope, fine with them. Pick them up no problem. Flying? Love it!! Death? Nope, doesn't worry me at all (hence my occasional reckless behaviour and love of slightly dangerous activities perhaps?) Snakes? Held, stroked, admired.
So - the two phobias I know I do have are definitely attributable to experience. But can these phobias be cured? An excellent hypnotist and NLP trainer I know (David Cotton) said that phobias are learned - spider one for example usually from the female head of household. Now, my daughter is scared of spiders and so is my husband, but I am not. But guess what? Her nanny was terrified of them! A cognitive behaviour therapist I knew used to get people over their spider phobia using tomato tops... they do look a bit arachnid, for sure! He used an acclimatisation technique to overcome phobias.
So phobias, if learned behaviour, can surely be unlearned? Or do you just need to learn a new behavior to cope with the phobia? I don't know - a fascinating subject I'm sure.
The Ten Minute Cure ... Get rid of any fear or phobia - in just ten minutes flat!
I was a very sickly child (asthma) and was regularly injected, and as a young adult too, and as a grown up (almost) now I still have to have various things like flu jabs etc. And I still get dizzy when I see needles!
Thing is, I have detatched myself emotionally - I don't 'feel' scared of needles or phobic, but my subconcious still reacts and - at my daughter's hospital bedside a few weeks back - I ended up on the floor!
So, is it a phobia or a learned behaviour? Needles hurt - sure! But the reason for the needles is always good. Which is why mentally I feel fine - the sight of blood no problem, talk of operations, no problem - I've even watched an operation -no problem! So why do I keel over at the sight of a needle?
And what about other phobias? I challenge anyone to say they have no phobias whatsoever, but there must be some people out there who are completely fearless.
I look at what I am phobic about and try to analyse it:
no. 1: needles. Well, as said previously, they hurt, so there is logic and experience to give me this phobia
no. 2: crowds. I don't like crowds because I feel vulnerable (and got very scared a long time ago at a concert). But I'm fine on the London Underground which is a 'controlled' crowd. And I am mentally preparing myself not to get panicky in crowds. I feel I would be fine - though if the situation can be avoided, I'd probably still avoid.
no. 3: er... anything else I am phobic about?
Spiders... nope, fine with them. Pick them up no problem. Flying? Love it!! Death? Nope, doesn't worry me at all (hence my occasional reckless behaviour and love of slightly dangerous activities perhaps?) Snakes? Held, stroked, admired.
So - the two phobias I know I do have are definitely attributable to experience. But can these phobias be cured? An excellent hypnotist and NLP trainer I know (David Cotton) said that phobias are learned - spider one for example usually from the female head of household. Now, my daughter is scared of spiders and so is my husband, but I am not. But guess what? Her nanny was terrified of them! A cognitive behaviour therapist I knew used to get people over their spider phobia using tomato tops... they do look a bit arachnid, for sure! He used an acclimatisation technique to overcome phobias.
So phobias, if learned behaviour, can surely be unlearned? Or do you just need to learn a new behavior to cope with the phobia? I don't know - a fascinating subject I'm sure.
Anyone want to try this and give me feedback? I'm not phobic enough to need it - but if something terrifies you - this might be a way of reducing, if not elminating, the feelings of terror when faced with your phobia.
The Ten Minute Cure ... Get rid of any fear or phobia - in just ten minutes flat!
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Positive thinking for confident outcomes
Last night I attended a workshop by speaker and presenter Kate Atkin. It was held in the Borders Bookshop in Cambridge and the only cost was a donation to the local charity, the Papworth Trust.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Still not smoking!
My pal in Ireland hasn't smoked since 20th February! She's done it (so far so good shall we say). I'm really pleased I bought her that help programme, she's too far away for me to offer any direct support (other than our endless emails and IM-ing of course!), so it was something I was glad I could do for her.
And what a result! I really hope she stays off the ciggies, and if she is tempted, that she goes back to the programme to help keep her on track. I bought her the 'quit smoking in 28 days or less' software, and she has been using it I am delighted to say.
And what a result! I really hope she stays off the ciggies, and if she is tempted, that she goes back to the programme to help keep her on track. I bought her the 'quit smoking in 28 days or less' software, and she has been using it I am delighted to say.
Friday, 20 March 2009
Networking
Last December I went to a women's networking Christmas event. It was well organised, well attended, good ideas and fun - and I felt like a fish out of water! Why? Good question - and one that I have not been able to answer.
This week I girded my loins and went to another networking event, at Stansted. This time I found it much easier (although it was a women's event again, it was a lot less 'girlie' which I think I prefer). And I can't tell you why!
Confidence? Yes, confidence has a lot to do with it. But also the people I talked to, I had something in common with. One was a customer of mine! Wow, you don't often meet your customers when you work on an internet business so that was a real treat.
I need to be a networker to make my business work, so I'm glad I went and I'm even more glad I managed to interact and get benefit from the session. The subject matter was something I understand (branding) and the kind of people there were business-minded, so perhaps the whole focus of the event was more conducive to me being 'successful'.
What I can say is that a little confidence goes a long way. I came back from the meeting feeling I had achieved something, not just in business terms, but most importantly in self-development terms. I CAN do this, I can make this work and I am going to.
This week I girded my loins and went to another networking event, at Stansted. This time I found it much easier (although it was a women's event again, it was a lot less 'girlie' which I think I prefer). And I can't tell you why!
Confidence? Yes, confidence has a lot to do with it. But also the people I talked to, I had something in common with. One was a customer of mine! Wow, you don't often meet your customers when you work on an internet business so that was a real treat.
I need to be a networker to make my business work, so I'm glad I went and I'm even more glad I managed to interact and get benefit from the session. The subject matter was something I understand (branding) and the kind of people there were business-minded, so perhaps the whole focus of the event was more conducive to me being 'successful'.
What I can say is that a little confidence goes a long way. I came back from the meeting feeling I had achieved something, not just in business terms, but most importantly in self-development terms. I CAN do this, I can make this work and I am going to.
Thursday, 19 March 2009
I've been given a kick up the...
Well, not literally, but in a conversation with a contact on Ecademy, he said this to me (over an issue I have self-doubt over):
"The sub conscious believes what ever you tell it, regardless whether it's true or false. (Henry Ford said "whether you think you can or can not, you are right). YOU feed this in to your mind and then make yourself right by believing it and believing it's because of reasons out of your control. All that's happening is that for you to be right, you are living by the command you told yourself, so a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've already got the failure film in the projector so that's whats showing up on the screen!"
Wow. He's absolutely right. So, I've tackled the issue head on, and I'm going to DO it, and I've taken out the failure film and I'm ready to roll - lights, camera... action!
Oh, and I launched healthy chocolate on the CT site too!
"The sub conscious believes what ever you tell it, regardless whether it's true or false. (Henry Ford said "whether you think you can or can not, you are right). YOU feed this in to your mind and then make yourself right by believing it and believing it's because of reasons out of your control. All that's happening is that for you to be right, you are living by the command you told yourself, so a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've already got the failure film in the projector so that's whats showing up on the screen!"
Wow. He's absolutely right. So, I've tackled the issue head on, and I'm going to DO it, and I've taken out the failure film and I'm ready to roll - lights, camera... action!
Oh, and I launched healthy chocolate on the CT site too!
Monday, 16 March 2009
Ghosts!
Do you like ghosts stories? I was reading some myths and ghost stories from Ireland over the weekend, about the Hag of Beula, and the Beasts of Ossary - poor old priest eaten up by a couple of werewolves... but entertaining stuff and some interesting mythological history in there too.
Lots of ghost stories on TV are very 'nasty', but in my experience ghosts aren't that bad. Ask anyone you know who says they have had an 'encounter' with something ghostly that they can't explain, and I would be very surprised if you hear of any malevolence or real trouble. Oh sure, an 'uneasy' feeling perhaps, but I've yet to meet anyone who has real horror stories to tell about 'genuine' ghosts. Yeah yeah, I know, you can't say that you can have 'genuine' ghosts when no one can prove they exist (but let's face it, none of the world religions can prove their God(s) either so does proof matter? no - belief is what matters).
But as well as reading ghost stories, I also write them. So this is an UNASHAMED PLUG for my own audio book of nice ghost stories (not to say they aren't spooky, but no one is dismembered by the spirit of a long-dead slighted lover etc etc).
www.completetrainer.co.uk/Audiobooks/Ghost_Sniffer
Have a lovely day, wherever you are.
A walk in springtime
At long last spring is here! With the cold memories of the winter seeping away like the last of the frost evaporating in the morning, the sunshine is bringing out smiles everywhere you look.
Yesterday my husband and I went for a walk in the village of Ashwell, Hertfordshire. We started off at the Spring, the source of the Cam, and then walked round the village, down country roads, admiring wonderful old buildings, enjoying the sight of sticky buds on young trees and three crows having an amazing game of chase round the church tower.
Spring does have a mental effect on us all, I am sure. The longer days, more sunshine, all adding positive karma to our poor winter-huddled souls. I look out of my office window now and I see the ancient clay tiled roof of the old Inn opposite, and behind it - the white blossoms of a tree shining against a pale blue sky.
I'm going to make this a year where I let the spring time develop in me as well - use my own initiative to improve life and build the business, help the family and find more self-fulfilment in what I do.
I hope that spring, after a terrible economic winter too, can bring some positive benefits for the world in a much broader sense. A little optimism can go a long way.
Friday, 13 March 2009
Life makeover?
Oh wow, I think I should try this - my life is so confusing! (Boy if I began to tell you, you'd say that wouldn't even happen in the movies...)
These folks offer a 'risk free life makeover'. Hmm! Are there areas of your life that you're dying to change but you just don't know where to begin? There are for me..
Are you afraid of trying to change aspects of your life because you just MIGHT make things worse... Or you're worried about what friends or family will THINK?
You know the things I'm talking about...
Your relationships
Your career
Your diet
Your finances
Your fitness...
Your FEAR OF CHANGE, or your lack of knowledge about how to change, is holding you back from the life you could be living right now.
And every day you continue just accepting your lot and doing NOTHING to change the areas of your life that need improving --- is a day WASTED.
So you owe it to yourself to take charge of your life... overcome your fear of change... improve your self-image and self-esteem... and tap into your talents and potential.
The Good News is You Can EASILY
Take Control of Your Life -- And Improve It!
That's what they claim. OK, when I get paid at the end of the month I'm going to give it a go! Join me?
Here it is: Life Makeover.
Oh, and to return to the subject of my friend in Ireland who gave up smoking with the programme I bought her, she's still smoke free! Saysshe finds the programme really helpful for keeping her on track. Go girl!
These folks offer a 'risk free life makeover'. Hmm! Are there areas of your life that you're dying to change but you just don't know where to begin? There are for me..
Are you afraid of trying to change aspects of your life because you just MIGHT make things worse... Or you're worried about what friends or family will THINK?
You know the things I'm talking about...
Your relationships
Your career
Your diet
Your finances
Your fitness...
Your FEAR OF CHANGE, or your lack of knowledge about how to change, is holding you back from the life you could be living right now.
And every day you continue just accepting your lot and doing NOTHING to change the areas of your life that need improving --- is a day WASTED.
So you owe it to yourself to take charge of your life... overcome your fear of change... improve your self-image and self-esteem... and tap into your talents and potential.
The Good News is You Can EASILY
Take Control of Your Life -- And Improve It!
That's what they claim. OK, when I get paid at the end of the month I'm going to give it a go! Join me?
Here it is: Life Makeover.
Oh, and to return to the subject of my friend in Ireland who gave up smoking with the programme I bought her, she's still smoke free! Saysshe finds the programme really helpful for keeping her on track. Go girl!
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