I was advised by a personal coach the other day that you can 'find your own champion inside yourself' - in other words, don't wait around for others to fix things for you or to come riding in on a white charger. The ability to change your life and your outcomes lies, mostly, within your own control.
External factors notwithstanding, there is a lot we can do to promote our own champions - one example given to me by a business coach was to 'find an alter ego' - build a self image based on someone or people you admire. Take their positive qualities and embed them in your alter ego.
Then, when you need that courage, ability or confidence, think of that person you have given all those wonderful qualities to (including being YOUR champion) and become them for the time you need them.
Eventually you will find that the qualities of this alter ego rub off, and you can be who you admire. Learn to love yourself, admire yourself, and accept the help that your inner champion can give you.
Showing posts with label self confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self confidence. Show all posts
Friday, 15 January 2010
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Taking control - losing control
What can we do to take control of our lives? Well, there are thousands of sites and blogs out there promising the answer in '7 days' or 'ten easy steps' - but the truth is, I think, that you have really got to want to change.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Positive thinking for confident outcomes
Last night I attended a workshop by speaker and presenter Kate Atkin. It was held in the Borders Bookshop in Cambridge and the only cost was a donation to the local charity, the Papworth Trust.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
Friday, 20 March 2009
Networking
Last December I went to a women's networking Christmas event. It was well organised, well attended, good ideas and fun - and I felt like a fish out of water! Why? Good question - and one that I have not been able to answer.
This week I girded my loins and went to another networking event, at Stansted. This time I found it much easier (although it was a women's event again, it was a lot less 'girlie' which I think I prefer). And I can't tell you why!
Confidence? Yes, confidence has a lot to do with it. But also the people I talked to, I had something in common with. One was a customer of mine! Wow, you don't often meet your customers when you work on an internet business so that was a real treat.
I need to be a networker to make my business work, so I'm glad I went and I'm even more glad I managed to interact and get benefit from the session. The subject matter was something I understand (branding) and the kind of people there were business-minded, so perhaps the whole focus of the event was more conducive to me being 'successful'.
What I can say is that a little confidence goes a long way. I came back from the meeting feeling I had achieved something, not just in business terms, but most importantly in self-development terms. I CAN do this, I can make this work and I am going to.
This week I girded my loins and went to another networking event, at Stansted. This time I found it much easier (although it was a women's event again, it was a lot less 'girlie' which I think I prefer). And I can't tell you why!
Confidence? Yes, confidence has a lot to do with it. But also the people I talked to, I had something in common with. One was a customer of mine! Wow, you don't often meet your customers when you work on an internet business so that was a real treat.
I need to be a networker to make my business work, so I'm glad I went and I'm even more glad I managed to interact and get benefit from the session. The subject matter was something I understand (branding) and the kind of people there were business-minded, so perhaps the whole focus of the event was more conducive to me being 'successful'.
What I can say is that a little confidence goes a long way. I came back from the meeting feeling I had achieved something, not just in business terms, but most importantly in self-development terms. I CAN do this, I can make this work and I am going to.
Thursday, 19 March 2009
I've been given a kick up the...
Well, not literally, but in a conversation with a contact on Ecademy, he said this to me (over an issue I have self-doubt over):
"The sub conscious believes what ever you tell it, regardless whether it's true or false. (Henry Ford said "whether you think you can or can not, you are right). YOU feed this in to your mind and then make yourself right by believing it and believing it's because of reasons out of your control. All that's happening is that for you to be right, you are living by the command you told yourself, so a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've already got the failure film in the projector so that's whats showing up on the screen!"
Wow. He's absolutely right. So, I've tackled the issue head on, and I'm going to DO it, and I've taken out the failure film and I'm ready to roll - lights, camera... action!
Oh, and I launched healthy chocolate on the CT site too!
"The sub conscious believes what ever you tell it, regardless whether it's true or false. (Henry Ford said "whether you think you can or can not, you are right). YOU feed this in to your mind and then make yourself right by believing it and believing it's because of reasons out of your control. All that's happening is that for you to be right, you are living by the command you told yourself, so a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've already got the failure film in the projector so that's whats showing up on the screen!"
Wow. He's absolutely right. So, I've tackled the issue head on, and I'm going to DO it, and I've taken out the failure film and I'm ready to roll - lights, camera... action!
Oh, and I launched healthy chocolate on the CT site too!
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Kairology
Kairos - a 'crucial moment' in your life. Kairology, the 'doorway to many points', is a great name for a book about self-development. I am reading Ian Williams' Kairology book and it's colourful, easy to read and has some very simple concepts. I only looked at it yesterday for the first time, but already I want to buy it for some friends, as well as read it cover to cover for myself.
Heading for London, for a meeting with a high flyer (so I asked my very clever boss to come too), I couldn't take work on the train, but I did take this neat little book. There's a bit at the front which doesn't sit with my philosophy in life, but that doesn't matter, the principles are applicable whatever you feel/believe.
Arranged in four 'suits' - the book takes you through Hearts - passion, Clubs - values expression, Spades - values action, Diamonds - values results. OK, that doesn't really explain it very well, but I can't reproduce chunks of the book here, that would be against copyright.
But what I can say is that the way it addresses the issues that face us all is really accessible - something you can actually 'do', not just read and think 'ah yes, but in MY case....'
Heading for London, for a meeting with a high flyer (so I asked my very clever boss to come too), I couldn't take work on the train, but I did take this neat little book. There's a bit at the front which doesn't sit with my philosophy in life, but that doesn't matter, the principles are applicable whatever you feel/believe.
Arranged in four 'suits' - the book takes you through Hearts - passion, Clubs - values expression, Spades - values action, Diamonds - values results. OK, that doesn't really explain it very well, but I can't reproduce chunks of the book here, that would be against copyright.
But what I can say is that the way it addresses the issues that face us all is really accessible - something you can actually 'do', not just read and think 'ah yes, but in MY case....'
It was good to read the book, especially before that meeting. It helped me think a little about me, what I need and want and can offer. That last one I forget all too often.
It's on the main site, and you can buy it as an ebook too.
I do actually check the stuff on my site, and I use it! OK, I don't train, but I really am looking at trying out the self development stuff, because then I will succeed, my business will succeed - and the aim of my business is to help others to succeed. It's a good business to be in.
Monday, 19 January 2009
Self doubt?
Ever wondered about your own capabilities, abilities, talents and skills? Well, if you haven't, then I admire you!
I know where my talents lie, but I know I don't exploit them fully. Do I do too many different things? Jack of all trades, master of none?
It was once put to me in a Women's Development session that "what women call multi-tasking,men call lack of focus". I am focused! Just on lots of things. And who can be so gender-generalist anyway? I know some pretty unfocused men and some very non-mutli-tasking women.
But I am challenging myself - if I have doubts, what are they and why? Well, I know some of the answers (and they certainly aren't going to appear on a public blog), but mostly I know it's prioritising. Doing what I do well, well, and learning to do what I don't do quite so well, better.
And the stuff I am useless at? Well, if I can't delegate or dump, then I have to challenge myself further. Self-doubt only seeks to undermine my determination to succeed, to gain what I want for myself.
But, perhaps like many others (very much so I am sure), I won't do so to the detriment of others. Is that self-doubt, self-restraint or self-control?
I'd love to know...
I know where my talents lie, but I know I don't exploit them fully. Do I do too many different things? Jack of all trades, master of none?
It was once put to me in a Women's Development session that "what women call multi-tasking,men call lack of focus". I am focused! Just on lots of things. And who can be so gender-generalist anyway? I know some pretty unfocused men and some very non-mutli-tasking women.
But I am challenging myself - if I have doubts, what are they and why? Well, I know some of the answers (and they certainly aren't going to appear on a public blog), but mostly I know it's prioritising. Doing what I do well, well, and learning to do what I don't do quite so well, better.
And the stuff I am useless at? Well, if I can't delegate or dump, then I have to challenge myself further. Self-doubt only seeks to undermine my determination to succeed, to gain what I want for myself.
But, perhaps like many others (very much so I am sure), I won't do so to the detriment of others. Is that self-doubt, self-restraint or self-control?
I'd love to know...
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