In my post about smoking back in February, I mentioned a friend in Ireland who was giving up.
Well, it's now June and she's still not smoking! I'm really proud of her because she has had a very difficult few months.
Did you notice the title of this post? Crafty of me - it's the name of a novel she has written and is currently with Penguin for consideration (they asked for the whole manuscript after seeing a few chapters).
So let's hope that where there's interest, they end up publishing. It would be a nice (to say the least!) bonus for her and a superb reward for her giving up smoking.
Incidentally she wrote a short story a couple of years back called 'Wicked Weed' and it won a competition in Belfast. Got published and read on the radio. It was about someone who gave up smoking!
Monday, 1 June 2009
Stress!
I've recently had a few experiences that you could say caused a little stress! But the thing is - I think I've learned a lot. Not about the experiences per se (there's lots of learning going on there constantly, as anyone with teenage kids will agree I'm sure), but more about how I manage my stress.
The other night I was feeling pretty tense and my husband asked me 'Are you OK?'. 'I'm a little stressed', I replied. His immediate reaction (because he always wants to help) was
'Why are you stressed? What's wrong?' and it was a sort of 'leap down your throat' response which, funnily enough, actually caused me more stress!
I was just a bit stressed, OK? Life, the universe... everything! So by sharing my stress and with someone wanting to help, I in fact ended up more stressed. Was that his fault? My fault? Well, thing is with stress there is no fault or blame - it's the circumstance.
I deal with my stress by keeping it lidded - bottled up! Now some say that's dangerous, that one day I will explode and make an awful mess, and perhaps that is true. But I find that as situations slowly resolve (or are unchangeable and so have to be accepted), my stress dissipates.
The stress leaks away - well, the stress over that particular issue anyway. I have learned to try and accept what cannot be changed and, and I think this one is missed out in lots of 'advice' pages, accept that some things (people) don't want to be change. So it's not accepting that it can't change, but that it won't.
What's my point? I think it's just a little 'blow out' on stress. I keep it quiet, lidded, because that's how I deal with it. When I 'share', the benefit is not always there for me. Sometimes sharing (for me) makes things worse. But I wouldn't recommend everyone keeping it bottled up, no. See - I'm sort of vinegar and water, when other people may be water and oil or even vinegar and bicarbonate of soda. Shake it up, oil and water still won't mix. And if you bottle-stop vinegar and bicarb.... watch out!
Deal with your stress the way you feel most comfortable. Whether its the recommended resolution or not, whether you can share with one person or not with another - deal with it how best suits you.
The other night I was feeling pretty tense and my husband asked me 'Are you OK?'. 'I'm a little stressed', I replied. His immediate reaction (because he always wants to help) was
'Why are you stressed? What's wrong?' and it was a sort of 'leap down your throat' response which, funnily enough, actually caused me more stress!
I was just a bit stressed, OK? Life, the universe... everything! So by sharing my stress and with someone wanting to help, I in fact ended up more stressed. Was that his fault? My fault? Well, thing is with stress there is no fault or blame - it's the circumstance.
I deal with my stress by keeping it lidded - bottled up! Now some say that's dangerous, that one day I will explode and make an awful mess, and perhaps that is true. But I find that as situations slowly resolve (or are unchangeable and so have to be accepted), my stress dissipates.
The stress leaks away - well, the stress over that particular issue anyway. I have learned to try and accept what cannot be changed and, and I think this one is missed out in lots of 'advice' pages, accept that some things (people) don't want to be change. So it's not accepting that it can't change, but that it won't.
What's my point? I think it's just a little 'blow out' on stress. I keep it quiet, lidded, because that's how I deal with it. When I 'share', the benefit is not always there for me. Sometimes sharing (for me) makes things worse. But I wouldn't recommend everyone keeping it bottled up, no. See - I'm sort of vinegar and water, when other people may be water and oil or even vinegar and bicarbonate of soda. Shake it up, oil and water still won't mix. And if you bottle-stop vinegar and bicarb.... watch out!
Deal with your stress the way you feel most comfortable. Whether its the recommended resolution or not, whether you can share with one person or not with another - deal with it how best suits you.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Buteyko Breathing
I don't usually post information about seminars or events, but I met Jen a while back and I was intrigued by this. So, if you (like me) want to find out more about how this can help you with asthma and other things - here's the details:
Tomorrow evening (Wednesday 6th May 2009), 8pm London time, I'm running a FREE teleseminar - introduction to Buteyko Breathing. It's short (half an hour) and run in a radio show format with 2 co-hosts to keep me on track! It's a first for me, and I'm really excited about the possibilities for this sort of event. If you've any interest in better breathing for yourself, family, clients etc, it would be great if you could phone in. The event will be recorded and available later if you can't make it, but I'd really like an audience to make it feel real, and ask questions at the end (if you want.)
I'll explain how improving breathing habits has a direct and measurable effect on health issues such as asthma, panic and low energy levels.
If all goes to plan it will include:
a quick breathing check-up for the listeners to do
an explanation of how the technique helps your body reduce symptoms and gain energy
results of recent clinical trials
who it can help
a chance to ask questions at the end.
Here's the all-important link - registration details not required.
http://soundalternatives.ning.com/events/buteyko-breathing-an
Jen Tiller MBIH
REALITY QUESTstrategies for well-being
http://www.jentiller.com/
Tomorrow evening (Wednesday 6th May 2009), 8pm London time, I'm running a FREE teleseminar - introduction to Buteyko Breathing. It's short (half an hour) and run in a radio show format with 2 co-hosts to keep me on track! It's a first for me, and I'm really excited about the possibilities for this sort of event. If you've any interest in better breathing for yourself, family, clients etc, it would be great if you could phone in. The event will be recorded and available later if you can't make it, but I'd really like an audience to make it feel real, and ask questions at the end (if you want.)
I'll explain how improving breathing habits has a direct and measurable effect on health issues such as asthma, panic and low energy levels.
If all goes to plan it will include:
a quick breathing check-up for the listeners to do
an explanation of how the technique helps your body reduce symptoms and gain energy
results of recent clinical trials
who it can help
a chance to ask questions at the end.
Here's the all-important link - registration details not required.
http://soundalternatives.ning.com/events/buteyko-breathing-an
Jen Tiller MBIH
REALITY QUESTstrategies for well-being
http://www.jentiller.com/
Taking control - losing control
What can we do to take control of our lives? Well, there are thousands of sites and blogs out there promising the answer in '7 days' or 'ten easy steps' - but the truth is, I think, that you have really got to want to change.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
It's hard when your life is controlled by so many external factors such as economy, geography and even your own physical well-being (my mother has recently broken her wrist and it's amazing the negative messages she is giving herself, even though it's getting better!).
But taking control is the challeng. Losing control? Oh now I could do that just as easily! I could scream and give up, thump the walls in frustration, walk away and into the sunset (though I'd probably fall off or over something on the way).
Maybe - just maybe losing control isn't a bad thing? I don't know - I've come close but never quite let go. Just when I think things are bad, and that I really want to run away from them, something in me says 'now now, and what good would that do?'.
Taking control is probably a better option, but the only person in control of that is me. I can read all the self help books I want, I can 'tap' and I can meditate and ... it really is about mindset. EFT and self-help books do help me to focus, but the real challenge is making the difference. Changing my own attitudes and assertiveness, asking and not just accepting, looking for the change I want instead of waiting for it to waltz up to me saying 'well now, HERE you are! I've been looking for you!'
So I'm going to focus on one small thing at a time. And once I have that under my control - even if it's something as simple as my diet - then I will look to the next challenge.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Podcasting!
I'm going to see if I can add value to my business site with Podcasting. I speak to fascinating people most days - leaders, trainers, psychologists, all sorts! Wouldn't it be great if I could record some of those conversations and have them as podcasts on my site?
I'm going to find out more, and I'll report back (of course).
I'm going to find out more, and I'll report back (of course).
Friday, 3 April 2009
Phobia!
I have a phobia of needles. Silly really as I have been stuck with them so many times you'd have though I'd be used to them by now.
I was a very sickly child (asthma) and was regularly injected, and as a young adult too, and as a grown up (almost) now I still have to have various things like flu jabs etc. And I still get dizzy when I see needles!
Thing is, I have detatched myself emotionally - I don't 'feel' scared of needles or phobic, but my subconcious still reacts and - at my daughter's hospital bedside a few weeks back - I ended up on the floor!
So, is it a phobia or a learned behaviour? Needles hurt - sure! But the reason for the needles is always good. Which is why mentally I feel fine - the sight of blood no problem, talk of operations, no problem - I've even watched an operation -no problem! So why do I keel over at the sight of a needle?
And what about other phobias? I challenge anyone to say they have no phobias whatsoever, but there must be some people out there who are completely fearless.
I look at what I am phobic about and try to analyse it:
no. 1: needles. Well, as said previously, they hurt, so there is logic and experience to give me this phobia
no. 2: crowds. I don't like crowds because I feel vulnerable (and got very scared a long time ago at a concert). But I'm fine on the London Underground which is a 'controlled' crowd. And I am mentally preparing myself not to get panicky in crowds. I feel I would be fine - though if the situation can be avoided, I'd probably still avoid.
no. 3: er... anything else I am phobic about?
Spiders... nope, fine with them. Pick them up no problem. Flying? Love it!! Death? Nope, doesn't worry me at all (hence my occasional reckless behaviour and love of slightly dangerous activities perhaps?) Snakes? Held, stroked, admired.
So - the two phobias I know I do have are definitely attributable to experience. But can these phobias be cured? An excellent hypnotist and NLP trainer I know (David Cotton) said that phobias are learned - spider one for example usually from the female head of household. Now, my daughter is scared of spiders and so is my husband, but I am not. But guess what? Her nanny was terrified of them! A cognitive behaviour therapist I knew used to get people over their spider phobia using tomato tops... they do look a bit arachnid, for sure! He used an acclimatisation technique to overcome phobias.
So phobias, if learned behaviour, can surely be unlearned? Or do you just need to learn a new behavior to cope with the phobia? I don't know - a fascinating subject I'm sure.
The Ten Minute Cure ... Get rid of any fear or phobia - in just ten minutes flat!
I was a very sickly child (asthma) and was regularly injected, and as a young adult too, and as a grown up (almost) now I still have to have various things like flu jabs etc. And I still get dizzy when I see needles!
Thing is, I have detatched myself emotionally - I don't 'feel' scared of needles or phobic, but my subconcious still reacts and - at my daughter's hospital bedside a few weeks back - I ended up on the floor!
So, is it a phobia or a learned behaviour? Needles hurt - sure! But the reason for the needles is always good. Which is why mentally I feel fine - the sight of blood no problem, talk of operations, no problem - I've even watched an operation -no problem! So why do I keel over at the sight of a needle?
And what about other phobias? I challenge anyone to say they have no phobias whatsoever, but there must be some people out there who are completely fearless.
I look at what I am phobic about and try to analyse it:
no. 1: needles. Well, as said previously, they hurt, so there is logic and experience to give me this phobia
no. 2: crowds. I don't like crowds because I feel vulnerable (and got very scared a long time ago at a concert). But I'm fine on the London Underground which is a 'controlled' crowd. And I am mentally preparing myself not to get panicky in crowds. I feel I would be fine - though if the situation can be avoided, I'd probably still avoid.
no. 3: er... anything else I am phobic about?
Spiders... nope, fine with them. Pick them up no problem. Flying? Love it!! Death? Nope, doesn't worry me at all (hence my occasional reckless behaviour and love of slightly dangerous activities perhaps?) Snakes? Held, stroked, admired.
So - the two phobias I know I do have are definitely attributable to experience. But can these phobias be cured? An excellent hypnotist and NLP trainer I know (David Cotton) said that phobias are learned - spider one for example usually from the female head of household. Now, my daughter is scared of spiders and so is my husband, but I am not. But guess what? Her nanny was terrified of them! A cognitive behaviour therapist I knew used to get people over their spider phobia using tomato tops... they do look a bit arachnid, for sure! He used an acclimatisation technique to overcome phobias.
So phobias, if learned behaviour, can surely be unlearned? Or do you just need to learn a new behavior to cope with the phobia? I don't know - a fascinating subject I'm sure.
Anyone want to try this and give me feedback? I'm not phobic enough to need it - but if something terrifies you - this might be a way of reducing, if not elminating, the feelings of terror when faced with your phobia.
The Ten Minute Cure ... Get rid of any fear or phobia - in just ten minutes flat!
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Positive thinking for confident outcomes
Last night I attended a workshop by speaker and presenter Kate Atkin. It was held in the Borders Bookshop in Cambridge and the only cost was a donation to the local charity, the Papworth Trust.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
Kate presented a workshop on Precision Thinking for Confident Outcomes. She got the group to relax very quickly and took us through some very simple and easy to assimilate tips. I won't go into great detail (that's Kate's job), but I can share with you the main outline.
Firstly, and this is not at all unlike the comment I had from a trainer friend who said 'stop playing the failure film', she said we have to control what we think and run 'positive programmes'. Cut out negative messages and thoughts.
Secondly she talked about the language used. We looked at language and split an example into three categories, negative, neutral and positive. Instead of cutting out the negatives, she said cut out the neutrals. Be honest, if you are in a negative, don't mask it with neutrality, but do aspire to convert it to the positive. Using positive language as well as positive programmes will help boost your inner confidence.
Strangely enough I called a friend in the US immediately after the seminar. How are you? I asked. 'OK' she said. Netural answer! The truth was she wasn't feeling well.
Thirdly and very importantly, Kate said we must stay focused. It's too easy to revert to negative thinking and messages so keep that focus.
The next exercise/tip was about posture. She got us all to stand up and think of something good, then something bad (and the posture change was evident). She then asked us to maintain a positive posture and smile broadly whilst thinking of the bad thing. It made it a lot harder to think negatively, so posture (and a smile) do help affect not just how you appear to others, but your own mental processing.
Lastly we discussed breathing, and this I am very familiar with. In fact, I believe it's something we all do! Seriously, breathing deeply and regularly can help calm and relax you - important elements in feeling confident - and provide oxygen to the brain. It's hard to think without enough oxygen.
One very simple tool that Kate gave us was the Confidence Wall. I'll ask her if I can share it with you.
It was a very positive session, and Kate only briefly mentioned her book The Confident Manager and the evening ended with the group chatting and swapping business cards and engaging Kate in further discussion until the shop closed.
Further reading: how to be more confident by Tim Brownson and there are some self confidence tips on this site too.
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